Jokes.json

{
  "jokes": [
    {
      "joke": "Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now."
    },
    {
      "joke": "A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game."
    },
    {
      "joke": "I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me."
    },
    {
      "joke": "I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind."
    },
    {
      "joke": "I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction."
    },
    {
      "joke": "I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down."
    },
    {
      "joke": "Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink."
    },
    {
      "joke": "Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside."
    },
    {
      "joke": "Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming."
    },
    {
      "joke": "It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it."
    },
    {
      "joke": "What computer sings the best? A Dell!"
    },
    {
      "joke": "Why do some people hate puns? Because they are laughtose intolerant!"
    },
    {
      "joke": "It was cold in the bedroom so I lay down next to the wood-stove and slept like a log."
    },
    {
      "joke": "Old artists never retire, they withdraw!"
    },
    {
      "joke": "What do you do when balloons are hurt? You helium."
    },
    {
      "joke": "Where do baby spoons come from? The spork delivers them."
    },
    {
      "joke": "Once the pilot started lying about his flying, he went into a tale spin."
    },
    {
      "joke": "Why don't programmers like nature? It has too many bugs."
    },
    {
      "joke": "I don't trust these stairs because they're always up to something."
    },
    {
      "joke": "I used to be a banker but I lost interest"
    },
    {
      "joke": "When William joined the army, he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'."
    },
    {
      "joke": "I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me."
    },
    {
      "joke": "Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out."
    },
    {
      "joke": "Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking outside the box."
    },
    {
      "joke": "A new type of broom came out, it is sweeping the nation."
    },
    {
      "joke": "I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy."
    },
    {
      "joke": "I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes."
    },
    {
      "joke": "A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother called to check on him a nurse said 'No change yet'."
    },
    {
      "joke": "A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired"
    },
    {
      "joke": "My friend's bakery burned down last night. Now his buisness is toast."
    },
    {
      "joke": "I knew a woman who owned a taser, man was she stunning!"
    },
    {
      "joke": "The girl quit her job at the doughnut factory because she was fed up with the hole business."
    },
    {
      "joke": "To write with a broken pencil is pointless."
    },
    {
      "joke": "I was going to look for my missing watch but I could never find the time."
    },
    {
      "joke": "I knew a guy who collected candy canes, they were all in mint condition."
    },
    {
      "joke": "I was going to buy a book about phobias but I was afraid it wouldn't help me."
    },
    {
      "joke": "I really wanted a camouflage shirt, but I couldn't find one."
    },
	{
	  "joke": "The first time I used an elevator it was really uplifting, then it let me down."
	},
	{
	  "joke": "Never discuss infinity with a mathematician, they can go on about it forever."
	},
	{
	  "joke": "The dead batteries were given out free of charge."
	},
	{
	  "joke": "Did you hear about the crime that happened in a parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels."
	},
	{
	  "joke": "If you lose your hearing, is it ear replaceable?"
	},
	{
	  "joke": "Always trust a glue salesman. They tend to stick to their word."
	},
	{
	  "joke": "My fear of roses is a thorny issue. I'm not sure where it stems from, but it seems likely that I will be stuck with it."
	},
	{
	  "joke": "When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds."
	},
	{
	  "joke": "Don't trust people that do acupuncture, they're back stabbers."
	},
	{
	  "joke": "I should have been sad when my flashlight batteries died, but I was delighted."
	},
	  {
		  "joke": "I don't get people who stumble into mirrors, they need to watch themselves"
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "Pencils could be made with erasers at both sides, but what would be the point."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "The magician got so mad, he pulled his hare out."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I'm excited to see how they turn out"
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "Children who fail their coloring exams need a shoulder to crayon."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "I have a few jokes about unemployed people but it doesn't matter none of them work."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "Q: What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store? A: Guardians of the Galaxy."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "Don't spell part backwards. It's a trap."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible. Well, tell him I can't see him right now."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "I ordered 2000 lbs. of chinese soup. It was Won Ton."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "You can't get on the same page with someone who has a different book."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "How did I escape Iraq? Iran."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "Why did the summer school teacher wear sunglasses? Because her class was so bright!"
	  },
	  {
	  	"joke": "I was going to tell you a joke about infinity, but I can't find the end."
	  },
	  {
	  	"joke": "I would tell you a joke about squirrels, but you would go nuts."
	  },
	  {
	  	"joke": "My sister bought this driving app recently, it kept on crashing."
	  },
	  {
	  	"joke": "He was buried yesterday, and was deeply moved by the experience."
	  },
	  {
	  	"joke": "Money launderers are filthy rich!"
	  },
	  {
	  	"joke": "Why did the man stand on a clock? He really wanted to be on time."
	  },
	  {
	  	"joke": "Stealing my computer files rarely gets my back up."
	  },
	  {
	  	"joke": "Two pet owners got together for a weekly public discussion on the Internet. They called it their Pawed Cast."
	  },
	  {
	  	"joke": "What did the sock puppet say to the sock? Looks like you could use a hand."
	  },
	  {
	  	"joke": "What did the sock puppet say to the sock? Looks like you could use a hand."
	  },
	  {
	  	"joke": "The two shoemakers got married because they were sole mates."
	  },
	  {
	  	"joke": "When the TV repairman got married the reception was excellent."
	  },
	  {
	  	"joke": "Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations."
	  },
	  {
	  	"joke": "Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory? I hope there's no pop quiz!"
	  },
	  {
	  	"joke": "Without geometry, life is pointless"
	  },
	  {
	  	"joke": "A backwards poet writes inverse."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "I have problems with math but with chemistry, I have solutions."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "I lift weights only on Saturday and Sunday because Monday to Friday are weak days."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "Why should you never throw away an old dolphin? Because they can easily be re-porpoised!"
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "I touched an electric eel the other day. It was shocking."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "I lost my job at the quarry, I guess you could say I've hit rock bottom."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "If I want to gamble online, do I use betcoins?"
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "I spent a summer working on a rabbit farm. It was a hare raising experience."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "So you went to a bread factory? Guess you had a crummy day."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "What time is it when it is time to go to the dentist? Tooth hurty."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "Velcro - what a rip off!"
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "Old cashiers never die, they just check out."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "A sailor has courage by the boatload."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "The invention of dynamite sure was ground breaking."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "My dog has an attitude. He is a cocky spaniel."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "If you want to deliver a compliment, you have to address them properly."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "What thrill ride does a drink go on? A coaster!"
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "I know a lot of jokes about bad pole-vaulters, but none of them seem to go over very well."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "Electricians go with the flow, never against the current!"
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "Sadly my teacher, who could use two typewriters at one time, got fired for stereotyping."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "I had a broken bone once, it just cracked me up."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "I spilled my drink in one fluid motion."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "Did you hear about that lightbulb party. It was totally lit."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "It's been my life long vision to become an optometrist, but I just couldn't see a way to make it happen."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "A good juice bar always puts their customers thirst."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "The meat market had a special on pork prices, the sign said ham me downs."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "I spilt vinegar all over myself - it was quite a sour day."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "Don't interrupt someone working intently on a puzzle. Chances are, you'll hear some crosswords."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "I'm a big fan of whiteboards. I find them quite re-markable."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "Q. Which country's capital has the fastest-growing population? A. Ireland. Every day it's Dublin."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "I asked my French friend if she likes to play video games. She said, Wii."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working, with no explanation. It doesn't make any cents!"
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "I was going to make myself a belt made out of watches, but then I realized it would be a waist of time."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "When do you go at red and stop at green? When you’re eating a watermelon."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "What do you call a thieving alligator? A Crookodile"
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind? A Maybe"
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "What do you call a pig that does karate? Pork chop"
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "Q. How do you make the number one disappear? A. Add the letter G and then presto—it's Gone!"
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "Q. What type of ship has two mates but no captain? A. A relationship."
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "Q. I'm an odd number. If you take away one of the letters in my name, I become even. What number am I? A. Seven. (Take away the S!)"
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "Q. A girl fell off of a 30-foot ladder, but she didn't get hurt at all. How is this possible? A. She fell off the bottom step!"
	  },
	  {
		  "joke": "Q. A magician promises that he can throw a ball as hard as he can and have it stop, change direction, and come back to him. He claims he can do it without the ball bouncing off of anything, the ball being tied to anything, or the use of magnets. How is this possible? A. He throws the ball straight up in the air!"
	  }
  ]
}